Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
