I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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