get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
