32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
