I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
