i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
