and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
