Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
