And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
