I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
