Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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