Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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