dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
