Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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