shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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