i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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