Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Your cock deserves a montage
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
