you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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