Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
