hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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