Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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