flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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