Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you traded sex for a burrito?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
