I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
