oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
