Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
