I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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