I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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