you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
