it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
