and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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