Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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