Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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