I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
