Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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