Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
