I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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