if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
