Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Life is so much better after having sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
