Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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