Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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