hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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