So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
we should paint friendship bongs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
