so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What drink are we having for lunch?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
