My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
