I feel great
I just peed on a car
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
