He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
