i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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