i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
