just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
