I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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