We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize