And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
3pm strippers are depressing
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
