I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What a dumb baby whore.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
