I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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