I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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