But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Are we in a gay sports bar?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
