i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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