why didn't you poke me back
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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