I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
