do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
tell me about the fingering
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
