I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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