I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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