I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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