Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize