She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
