I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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