Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
