His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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