oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
