he wants to bone in the snuggie
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
