question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
